Sunday Funnies

LIFE AFTER DEATH:
'DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?' THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES
'YES, SIR,' THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
'WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE,' THE BOSS WENT ON.
'AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL,
SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!

PALM SUNDAY:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME,
THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. 'PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS ' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY.'
'WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT,' THE BOY FUMED, 'THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!'

CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S
SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, 'WHAT'S IN HERE?' 'I KNOW!'
A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. 'PANTYHOSE!! '

SUPPORT A FAMILY:
THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, 'YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?'
THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, 'WELL, NO. I WAS JUST PLANNING TO
SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES.'

FIRST TIME USHERS! :
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED
AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, 'DON'T PAY FOR ME
DADDY I'M UNDER FIVE.'

PRAYERS:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, 'NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY
PRAYERS BEFORE EATING ?' 'NO SIR,' HE REPLIED, 'WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY
MOM IS A GOOD COOK!'

CLIMB THE WALLS:
'OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU,' THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. 'NOW MAYBE DAD DY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US.'
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS.. 'WHAT TRICK IS THAT?' SHE ASKED..
'I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO
VISIT,' THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED.

THE MOOD RING:
MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD
MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON
HIS FOREHEAD

THE WATER PISTOL:
WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS
GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT
AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, 'I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?'
MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... 'I REMEMBER!!'


A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie ?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Davie . 'Giving up?'

GRANDMA'S AGE :

LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, '39 AND HOLDING.'
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, 'AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE
IF YOU LET GO?'

It is what it is

Rod